I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
