FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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