I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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