I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
