we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
