The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
