Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
