jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
