Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
