so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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