I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
