I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
