Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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