the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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