Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
