You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
