Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
