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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
