I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
