She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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