I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
