Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
