Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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