Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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