Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
