Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
