he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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