the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
