my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
