Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
