every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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