Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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