It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
