..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
