ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
