watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
