he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
