Plan B is the new Plan A
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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