I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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