whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
