So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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