She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
