so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We are two peas in an std pod
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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