My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
