We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
