then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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