I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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