life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
