if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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