Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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