I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
