everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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